So I keep referring to this as my first 2ww because it's the first time I did IUI. Then I realized it's really not my first 2ww. (For the uninitiated, the 2ww is the 2 week wait between the IUI or IVF and when you test to see if you're pregnant).
My first 2ww was back in September, 2010, right after my wedding. The first few were actually exciting. I spent two weeks wondering, hoping, taking every little twinge as a sign I was pregnant. The longer we tried, the more frustrating the 2ww became.
I started tempering my hope with pragmatism. Started downplaying any "symptom" while secretly hoping this was the month.
Now it's like moving from the minor leagues to the majors (or maybe from college to the minors since I haven't had to do IVF yet). The 2ww is once again kind of new and brings with it all kinds of mixed emotions.
I want to be hopeful. Everything went as well as we could have hoped. And now we have the monetary investment as well as the fact I am doing a job I hate to afford it. On the other hand, I don't want to get my hopes up and face the disappointment if it didn't work. I don't know how to manage these emotions and feel increasingly distracted at work.
It's very hard to manage a marriage, a demanding career, B's addiction (he went to rehab yesterday so hopefully that will be less of a stressor), and IF. I feel like one of the balls I'm juggling is going to fall, and if I have to drop one I have to choose my job....
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