Tuesday, April 23, 2013


Yes I am a terrible blogger.  I know.  Perhaps I will get better.  I will try.

So last I spoke my HCG test was positive but only 22.  That was on a Monday.

On Wednesday, my HCG was 15.  No bueno.  On Friday, 14.  Doc told me to go off progesterone and test on Monday to make sure my numbers went down.

Chemical pregnancy.  My first pregnancy.  A little baby maybe that never made it past the first page.  And everyone says "at least now you know you can get pregnant."  Yes, I know that.  I also know I was pregnant and I miscarried.  Very early, granted, but miscarried.

So Monday's test came back almost 0 and I asked whether we could do IUI this month.  Nope.  So not only do I finally get pregnant and get my hopes all up (they even gave me a due date of December 1), when my little barely there baby dies I can't move on right away and do IUI.

Naturally, all of this did NOT help with the work situation.  I am still getting a lot of flak from the managing partner of my office and I am tempted to straight out tell him I got pregnant and miscarried and didn't exactly have the heart to put in his GD 12 hour days that week.  (He knows we're in fertility treatments.)

On the bright side, B is doing very well - out of rehab and seems to be much more positive and with it and clean.  I have high hopes that he is truly on the road to recovery.  The DA offered him diversion for the criminal stuff (which is the best he could have hoped for) so the case is dismissed and all he has to do is stay in treatment and stay clean for about a year and he won't have anything on his record.

Anyways, we tried this month naturally.  I don't have high hopes since I've never conceived naturally and we've been trying for quite awhile, but of course little voices in my head keep saying stuff like "now your endo is treated and you got pregnant last month so maybe it was just the endo" and "Dr. Google says you might be more fertile right after a miscarriage because your body was gearing up for pregnancy."

I am in my natural 2ww and have put myself on progesterone (they gave me a 3 month prescription when I was pregnant).  If that miracle happens I don't want to blow it by having low progesterone so I'm taking it until I test.

Planning to test on Saturday (period isn't due until Monday but goodness knows I can't wait that long).

Have to leave tomorrow-Friday for depositions in Indiana.  Then next week is my firm's retreat.  It's at a fancy hotel on the beach in Florida and will be nice and I but really I wish I didn't have to go.  Because of the timing, I can't discontinue progesterone right away if HPT is negative come Monday because then it's likely my cycle will start while I'm gone and I won't be able to do my baseline ultrasound for IUI #2.  It all seems so complicated.

I. Will. Update. More. Frequently!